Thursday, July 28, 2005

Rules of the Sidewalk

At the tender age of 16, most kids obtain their Learners permit and commence their life-long journey of automotive transport. I actually waited until I was 18. There didn’t seem to be a purpose, as my parents were pretty good about dropping me around town.

I like driving.
I almost always listen to music, and exclusively listen to mixed tapes or CDs, as my patience with radio inevitably leads to constant channel changing. This I figured was a dangerous practice, given the one incident years ago, where I swerved off the road and onto a neighbour’s lawn as I fiddled with channels.

Having been a student for years, and only now just getting on my feet, I have been unable to afford my automotive pleasures. To make me feel better, I can think of a plethora of reasons why public transit makes sense for me.

1) Gas prices have gone through the roof, these days averaging more than a dollar a litre
2) The cost of purchasing and insuring the car is beyond the limit of my piggy bank
3) While drivers sit in constant traffic, I am able to read, nap, people watch etc

Given these reasons, you will usually find me walking the pavement around my neighbourhood with other pedestrians. Here is where my dilemma unfolds.
Generally, people who drive abide by the rules of the road. We drive on the right side, we follow the speed limit, and we signal to indicate our intentions at an intersection.
How is it that when people get out of the car and onto the sidewalk, they throw these rules out the window?

Pedestrian misdemeanours can be grouped into the following categories:

1. Speed Limit Violations
2. Incorrect Lane Usage

Speed Limit Violations:

When driving a car, you will always have a posted maximum speed. For many, this is the speed you try to maintain at all times, so it becomes like a minimum and maximum together…a suggested speed. People will of course slow down when necessary, perhaps when turning, or due to traffic, or inclement weather. When driving significantly slower, you risk getting a ticket, as you are now a safety issue to the other cars actually doing the posted limit.
Pedestrians don’t get this ‘posted limit’. In my experience, peds don’t lean more towards exceeding the average rate, but rather towards creeping along more slowly. Let me point out that I am not a fast walker. I have little legs, and I don’t move them very quickly. Having said that, I don’t doddle. I know where I have to go there, and my legs go with the intention of getting me there without wasting any time. How frustrating it is to constantly be navigating through a sea of doddlers, the slow walkers … the Sunday drivers of walking. Suggestion: two lanes of pedestrian traffic in each direction. A slower lane for the window-shopping, ho-hum pedestrian, and a faster lane for the no nonsense walker. If sidewalk room doesn’t permit two lanes each way, then one lane with people ‘pulling over’ to let faster walkers pass would suffice.

Incorrect Lane Usage

How many people, driving down a busy street, could just come to a complete stop when in conversation or deep thought? Pedestrians do this little trick all the time. The complete stop usually occurs after they have seen someone they know, and both stop to converse. Maybe they are pondering entering a shop, or forgot something (which is followed by an illegal turn into oncoming traffic). Either way, it is followed with me having to dart around and avoid a collision.
This category also describes the occasions where a pedestrian emerges from a store or another walkway, and merges into sidewalk traffic, without looking to see if there is room or if they will be causing a potential collision. Often, this incident is followed with a complete stop in motion. Not only have they turned out into my path, but then they stop to talk to the person behind them, causing another quick swerve in my path to avoid a collision.
A final violation worth noting in this category is the ‘group’ scenario. When a group of friends is walking down the sidewalk, there should still be ample room to let by a pedestrian walking in the opposite direction. How many times have you been forced onto the grass when a group goes by, because if you didn’t move, you would surely collide with the group? Groups tend to spread and monopolize the sidewalk, in attempt to keep everyone engaged in the conversation. Etiquette would dictate that a group keep single file if possible during moments of passing traffic, and paired walking at other times. If you want to include your group in conversation, turn around to give a quick look and smile. Do not, of course, stop walking and turn to engage the rear walkers - this would be the type of violation mentioned in the previous paragraph.

You may find my Rules of the Sidewalk too strict. I am not trying to take the fun out of walking down the street, but I do think it necessary to be courteous. If I run into some friends on the street, I should be making every effort to get out of the flow of traffic to continue my conversation. If I remember I forgot to pick something up at the Safeway down the street, I should make sure I am not cutting anyone off before doing my little U-Turn. If I am emerging from a store, I should pause just outside the door, and look for my turn to enter traffic. If I want to meander down the sidewalk, pondering the mysteries of life, that is fine – but I should take myself out of the way of faster traffic. If there is room for two ‘lanes’ then take the lane closest to the building. If the sidewalk is tiny, and traffic is steady, maybe I should get off that sidewalk, and find myself one that has a slower pace. Safety first – I don’t want to cause anyone any grief, and I want to maximize my walking pleasure.

Following these simple rules will enhance the quality of your walking experience.
If you are still unsure of the Rules of the Sidewalk, imagine you are in a car – can you do what you are doing and not get a ticket?

Happy Walking!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Changes

October 2 2002.

This date is significant for two reasons.
Firstly, it was my grandmother's 80th birthday.
Secondly, it marks the last time I visited home.

I am going home for the first time since that date.
I am anxious.
Lots of contemplation provided a few theories about my anxiety.

* I struggle with my weight. Am I worried that I am not as thin as I would like? Last time home, I was heavier than I am now, and since then I have lost about 30 pounds, but then recently gained back about 15 of those. Needless to say, I still feel thick and it makes me feel insecure and strips me of my self-confidence. No matter how much I brush my teeth to whiten my smile, it does nothing for my love handles.

* I don't know yet if EI has approved me. I thought they had, but turns out they haven't for sure yet. Either they are figuring out how much to give me, or still wonder if they should pay me. I recently discovered I have $32 in my bank. Hmmm. I wonder what that will buy? I bought 4 cobs of corn tonight. There goes $2.49.
I have the opportunity to go to Tofino on Wednesday for 2 days. Can I go?
No. Not with $32 dollars in my bank account.

* I will be reunited with my mother, who I have not spoken to since Christmas, due to her unfair and unethical handling of post-divorce financial matters with my father. It isn't that I want to write her out of my life the way my siblings have, I don't feel I can do that. But how can I maintain a relationship with her when she continues to screw-over my father? Further, if we talk, what will we talk about?

* I anticipate a certain unspeakable feeeling... perhaps jealousy, or maybe it is envy, or maybe it is just a lingering wistfullness when I see how certain long lost friends that I have been completely horrible at maintaining contact with have advanced along the road of life that most in society strive along. In less wordy terms: when I see friends that are married with children, house, car, etc etc... I feel somehow left out. This is stupid - I know. I am doing my thing and loving it.
I have a partner of almost 8 years whom I love so much and who is so good to me. We live in a new apartment in one of the greatest neighborhoods (West End/English Bay)in one of the greatest cities (Vancouver). We have three wonderful cats, and enjoy life to it's fullest. Well, as much as we can afford to. But we still haven't had the ceremony I want to - still not sure if we want to go the whole legal wedding route. I have seen enough relationships falter and fail, that really, I just want a ceremony where we say "I love you", and we celebrate with friends and family, eat drink and be merry. We don't own a house or a condo. Some days I wish we did, other days I am glad we don't. We don't own a car. Again, it would be nice, but I can still put forward an arguement for not having one in this city. We don't have kids. We want kids, but ofcourse it requires a little more work for us to do this. Plus we just don't feel like we are 'ready' yet. I am not a fulltime teacher, and we only just started making ok money. We still are burdened financially by things like the devil we know as Student Loan. Yet, as everyday goes by, our little eggs get older.
See the details I think of? Endless.
But I do love life - I enjoy every day. But will I compare where I am at vs. my friends? Will I feel badly because they are rolling along one route, while I am meandering along another. I shouldn't, but sometimes I do.

MY TRUE POINT:
One thing I realized today.
I have a friend visiting from the UK.
He is one of my closest friends, or was when he lived here - he lived with us for 6 months when his marriage suffered a meltdown. Then he moved away. He has met a wonderful woman, and is now engaged to be married again. Good for him - he deserves happiness. Anyhow - our friendship was very tight. When we hung out, he would be intently focused on me or our conversation or whatever.
Now, his attention and concern lies with his fiancee. He focuses on her, and if it was only the two of them he would be fine. And that is normal and that is fine. But still I notice the different 'feel' to the friendship. It isn't bad, just slightly different.

I think finally perhaps i know it is this anticipated difference in friendship that makes me anxious.
When I lived at home and hung out with my friends, we were all so close.
We went in and out of relationships, but largely were single. As time has passed, people have paired off, had families, developed careers and other interests... so when I visit, i will be seeing them in an entirely different role. They are no longer "Jane Doe" highschool friend of mine, they are "Mrs. Jane Smith", wife of so-and-so, mother of so-and-so, busy with this and that, which is all foreign to me, because I haven't seen them in years.
I guess I see them, frozen the way I remember them, fresh out of university, partying etc, when really they have moved on.
I will look at them and think perhaps "they look older" like I do with movie stars, as though I expected them to stay the same age forever. They will ofcourse look at me and think "hmm, she's pretty thick, I thought she lost weight?" or "hmm, wrinkles and grey hairs. she old". People don't say this, but surely they think it - your mind makes the comparisons. I do it with my family. I saw my sister for the first time in a couple of years last summer, and I do remember thinking she looked older. But how stupid of me, ofcourse she would. And so did I. It took a few minutes to re-acquaint, it is like you are getting used to that person again.

How very rambly of me.
Perhaps I can leave all my insecurities here, and just go out and have fun.
I am still me, they are still them.
Time changes some things, but if I loved you once, I will love you again.

Will you feel the same?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Hide & Seek

Do you ever forget who you are?

In the elevator just now, as I rose slowly to the 14th floor that is my home, I asked myself,

"who are you?"

I didn't have an answer.
Not a good one, anyway.
Who are we anyway?
Are we who we *think* we are?
Are we what other people think we are?
Are we two things, separate and equal, all at once? Sort of like how the voice I hear and know as my own is very different from the voice you hear when I speak, yet they are one and the same voice.
When I look at myself in the mirror, do I see what you see? Are my eyes kinder, or do they seek the flaws I know exist?

I will have to ponder these questions further.

What I do know:
The summer of Steph started approx 3 1/2 weeks ago.
Many a goal I set for myself. I was probably too ambitious in the creation of that list...

If I am playing Hide and Seek with myself, searching for who I really am or who I would like to be, will I find myself by achieving these goals?

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Doin' Drag

9 hours and counting.

At 8pm tonight, your truly is taking part in a drag show for my baseball league.
Yikes.
I am nervous. I am scared.
I know this is just about having fun and being silly, but my costume is elaborate, and I don't have my moves down really well.
I suspect I need the help of alcohol.

My back-up dancers (the boyz) arrive in 2 hours, then our dress rehearsal begins.

*gulp*

Wish me luck.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Wounded

The Summer of Steph has taken a turn for the worse.

Yesterday was a shyte day in so many ways.
I was feeling a little low... not so good about myself.
I went to my ball game, and my coach schedules me to play a half game.
This makes me feel even worse about myself.
She had said "everyone will play a half game" (because we have too many players) but then has proceeded to sit me out for over 5 half games. She hasn't sat out the star players, but me, well... i'm not that good anyway - I am a new player who makes a lot of errors. Clearly I am the logical choice to sit out more than others, yes?
No.
This is a rec league - we are supposed to be having fun.
Honestly, I would rather lose a game and feel good about myself, than win and feel incompetent.
It is no wonder when I came in half way, that my game was off.
I made more errors, and fumbled to get a ball and make a play, which I didn't, and then I realized I had mangled my leg. About half of my calf is oozing and attempting to scab. It is gross, and I can barely walk.
If I could, I think I would quit the team.
I am not a quitter, or am I?

So, my morale is down.
I can't go to the pool.
I can't do my walks.
I can't play tennis.

damn.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Tennis, anyone?

I am nearing the end of Week 2 in the Summer of Steph.
Funny how time flies. It makes me think I am not doing enough to celebrate this freedom. Yet, isn't not doing much just as much of a celebration?

I created a list of goals for the summer. Goal #2 involves 'Getting Fit'.
Most days I take a pretty good stab at achieving this goal.
I swim at the Aquacenter nearby - and walk to and from.
I am also doing the daily regimen of a certain Jorge (whore-hay) Cruise.
Just 8 minutes a day to the new me. More like 15 when you incorporate time to march on the spot (warm up) and stretches afterwards. The marching on the spot seems to freak the cats out - they panic and scatter. I guess I am quite a sight - marching in my underwear in the living room.

Today instead of swimming, I played tennis.
I hit the ball around, practised my serves, but mostly played against the wall.
Seems those lessons I took 20 years ago are long forgotten.
Oh well.
And strangely enough, after about 30 minutes of banging the ball around, my hand started to hurt. I have developed what I call "tennis claw". Maybe I am hanging on to the racket too hard?

I took the stairs today - 14 flights down.
But down is the easy part.
I tried to take them back up too.
Hmmph.
I made it to 5, where, huffing and puffing and a sad, sorry mess - I took the elevator the rest of the way. Maybe I will try to see if I can do 6 floors tomorrow?