34 Years... a serious post
Today I am 34.
This is the same age that my mother was when she died.
How different our lives are...
When she was 34, she had a husband, a house, and 3 young kids.
As I turn 34, I have a partner, an apartment, and 3 cats.
I just can't imagine having 3 kids at this time. Not that I don't want children, but I look at my life today, and I see our lives as being polar opposites. I am in my 2nd and still developing career. She was a stay at home mom.
And then she died.
I don't remember that night, although I can picture it after being told the story so many times.
What I wouldn't give to be able to meet her. My father did remarry, and my mom (technically step-mom) is wonderful... this post isn't meant to imply anything like that.
I just wish I could sit with my biological mom over coffee, tell her about my life, learn about what hers was like... what did she like? what were her hopes and dreams? is she proud of me? How do I take after her?
She would be 65 this year...
When I see her in pictures, her 34 looks older than my 34.
Tonight in the shower, as I listened to my shower radio, her song came on.
It was one in a string of many odd things that have happened today.
Gordon Lightfoot - If you could read my mind.
Maybe she was letting me know she was with me to celebrate my birthday.
Maybe just coincidence... there is a full moon after all...
posted by asthmatic at 11:02 PM
1 Comments:
it was so weird when I turned the same age as my mom was when she took her own life. I kind of expected to feel something like the way she was feeling, maybe that she was getting older (altho 40 is not old) but to a woman it is a meaningful age if one feels one is losing their beauty or energy or reason to continue on dealing with a very frustrating life. I felt her with me the day she died, she was gone and I did not yet know it, and all these strange things happened to make me keep thinking about her, one after another, and I saw her walking up the stairs towards me and wondered how on earth...why was my mother at my school??? and she looked so happy. I walked towards the stairs and she was gone. later I saw her again in the hallway, so I knew something was up, but I never thought she was dead, I just thought I was having some kind of "spell"-- I had never had that hallucinatory experience before, ever, and did not know why my mind was playing tricks on me. I never ever thought she would do that--
this is so long a comment I apologize, but wanted to say your mom is around you. I know this to be true.
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